


Zero Redeeming Qualities

by washi



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Undertale Multiverse | UTMV (Undertale), Angst, Fake Dating, Fontcest, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Potential for Spicy Kustard, Slow Burn, bad bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-24 01:34:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30064638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/washi/pseuds/washi
Summary: A couple years ago the Undertale, Underfell, Underswap, and Swapfell (Red) universes collided, merging into a single, peaceful, universe.The skeletons have become friends in this peaceful combined universe.Except for Sans, who is distant with everyone, and has a tense relationship with his brother.After losing a drinking challenge, Red has to ask Sans on a date.He doesn't want to, but maybe he can at least figure out why Sans and Papyrus don’t get along.
Relationships: Sans/Sans (Undertale)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 42





	1. The Dare

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Lov ya](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12988518) by [sunblind_seabird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunblind_seabird/pseuds/sunblind_seabird). 



> Like Blood and Marrow, this story closely follows the original for the first few chapters before branching off into its own thing.
> 
> Editing of this story is minimal, and each chapter is between 1-2k words.
> 
> This story will contain eventual Kustard (Sans x Underfell!Sans), and has the potential for Spicy Kustard (Sans x Underfell!Sans x Underfell!Papyrus).
> 
> \- - - - -  
>  **SPOILER WARNINGS BEGIN**
> 
> This is a bad-brother AU! There will be abuse, hurt/comfort, etc. Please be careful of your mental health. I’ll be tagging triggering chapters as I get to them.
> 
>  **SPOILER WARNINGS END**  
>  \- - - - -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Failing a drinking challenge, Red had to ask Sans on a date.
> 
> But things aren’t quite as they seem …

**—RED—**

Red cursed every stars damned decision he had ever made that led to this point.

From fucking with Gaster’s machine to befriending the multiversal duplicates of he and his brother, every decision Red ever made had been a fucking mistake.

He had spent the entire night before trying to figure out a way out of the _stupid_ _dare_.

Why had he even _tried_ to outdrink the Swap Papyrii? All it got him was a hangover and being on the wrong side of the shittiest wager on the planet.

Red tried to convince himself that they’d forget about the bet soon. There was no need to actually _go through with it_ … but he knew that wasn’t true. Edge had a mind like a steel trap, Red doubted the other Papyrii, Swaps or not, were any different.

Red might not have much, but he still had his pride.

He glanced back up at the door of Sans and Papyrus’ apartment.

Red liked Papyrus. The tall skeleton was a softer version of his own brother; kind-hearted, friendly, and optimistic to the point of naiveté. He was passionate and affectionate, full of boundless energy and warmth. Red had nothing bad to say about him.

He was what Edge should have been, _would_ have been, had their universe not beaten the light out of him.

Red’s own counterpart, Sans, however … well it wasn’t that Red _disliked_ Sans. He barely knew the Tale version of himself. Sans was distant and aloof, apparently uninterested in getting to know his alternates or the alternates of his brother. He hadn’t made any effort to get to know any of them. Even when the get togethers were at his own home, Sans avoided them.

If that was all, Red couldn’t care, figuring his alternate was just distrustful. He could understand that - at first he hadn’t wanted to get to know Razz or Blue. But Sans and Papyrus … didn’t get along. When they were together they were tense, and if someone brought Sans up around Papyrus he would become upset.

Sans had obviously done something to cause the massive rift between the brothers, something so terrible Papyrus couldn’t forgive him. Something Sans would not or could not fix.

Red avoided Sans.

 _Everyone_ avoided Sans.

Red sighed, finally working up the courage to knock on the door.

_Shave-and-a-haircut_

The muffled sounds of someone getting up and shuffling footsteps getting closer helped Red relax some. He hadn’t wanted to explain his sudden interest to Papyrus. But he was always loud and exuberant, the opposite of what Red could hear through the door.

There were two knocks back ( _two-bits)_ before the door opened, revealing a rumpled Sans.

“hey red,” he said, leaning against the doorframe with a yawn. “papyrus isn’t here. want me to tell him you stopped by?”

“actually,” Red said as he shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets. He looked away from Sans. “i wanted t’ talk t’you.”

“really?” Sans asked as he tensed, “you … did Paps put you up to this? ”

“no, no!” Red said quickly, before he blushed and looked away. “i’m jus’ … i’m curious about ya, that’s all.”

It wasn’t a _lie_.

Red was curious _about_ Sans. He wondered what the other had done to cause such a rift between him and his brother. It was a mystery, one Red found important (if only so he wouldn’t repeat Sans’ mistakes).

He wasn’t curious about _Sans_ , though. Red didn’t care to get to know the other.

Sans made Papyrus uncomfortable. Papyrus found his presence upsetting.

That was enough of a reason for Red to keep his distance.

“anyway, I was thinkin’ we could go out, get some coffee. Talk or somethin’,” Red continued, rocking on his heels nervously.

Sans didn’t respond immediately, his face neutral and impassive.

“oh, uh … s-sure,” he said, a beat too late. He pushed himself off the door frame, settling into an easy slouch. “You wanna go now, or - ?”

“tomorrow,” Red said, cutting off Sans’ question. “around five?”

It was late for coffee but Sans worked a night shift. Any earlier would be too early.

“I can do that,” Sans said, settling back on his heels. “where’d’you wanna meet up?”

“i’ll come pick ya up,” Red said. He hadn’t thought of a place to go, yet.

“ ‘kay,” Sans shrugged. “sounds like a date.”

His eyelights had brightened a little, Red noticed.

He was … _excited_?

“…right,” Red said, debating between arguing that it most certainly _was not_ a date and not acknowledging the statement at all. Guilt coiled in his marrow. “see ya tomorrow.”

He turned on his heels and stepped into a shortcut, landing in his bedroom with a soft thump.

 _Stars damn it all_.

**—SANS—**

Sans leaned against the closed door, processing what had just happened. Going over the entire interaction, looking for the trick, the lie.

Red came over to talk to _Sans_. Not Papyrus.

Their alternates didn’t come by their apartment anymore. Sans made them uncomfortable. He was too awkward and uneasy around them. He made the room feel tense and unwelcoming.

Red had come over to talk to Sans. About getting together for some coffee.

Red wanted to talk. To _Sans_.

He didn’t know what to think.

Deep in his Soul he felt a twinge of not-pain that almost made him cry out.

He stifled the urge, smothering his cry to a whimper.

Sans pushed off of the door, stepping through a shortcut and landing on his bare mattress with a soft _whump_. He shoved the twinge of feeling in his soul to the side, unwilling to entertain it for long.

He had to be rational about this.

There were two options - either Red was being sincere, or he was being a jackass.

Sans checked the time on his phone, noting it was still a couple hours before Papyrus got home. Long enough for him to have a nap.

Sans closed his eyes, falling asleep quickly. As his consciousness faded he let himself hope that Red wouldn’t stand him up tomorrow.

_It’d be nice if it wasn’t a prank._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I got some headcanons going on here, and I'll clarify them as needed, especially since my own sometimes differ from fandom.
> 
> \- - -
> 
> A note on names:
> 
>  **Tale** : Sans, Papyrus  
>  **Fell** : Red, Edge  
>  **Swap** : Blue, Honey  
>  **FellSwap** : Razz, Slim
> 
> After the multiverse collision, characters had some of their internal "coding" changed. This includes their names. Even though they know that in their home universe they were "Sans" and "Papyrus", the non-Tale skeletons act as thought their names have _always been_ what they were given at the collision. Red has "always" been Red, Edge has "always" been Edge, etc.
> 
> \- - -
> 
> The skeletons sometimes refer to themselves/each other by their home universe. There are other groupings as well.
> 
>  **Sanses:** Refers to all "Sans" types. They are the older, shorter brothers. Tend to be more intellectual, preferring to work with mental puzzles and strategy.
> 
>  **Papyrii:** Refers to all "Papyrus" types. They are the younger, taller brothers. Tend to be more hands on, preferring to work with things physically as opposed to mentally.
> 
>  **Guards:** Refers to all brothers who are in or attempting to become royal guards. Papyrus, Edge, Blue, and Razz. They tend to be louder, energetic and self-absorbed. Like to be neat and orderly.
> 
>  **Judges:** Refers to all "lazy" brothers. Sans, Red, Honey, and Slim. They tend to be quiet, humorous, and melancholy. Live with controlled chaos. May or may not remember resets.


	2. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Failing a drinking challenge, Red asked Sans on a date.
> 
> But things aren’t quite as they seem …

**—Sans—**

**5:08**

Sans leaned against his closed bedroom door, watching time tick by on his phone. Ready to go, in case Red actually showed up.

**5:09**

When Sans had told his brother about going out for coffee with Red, Papyrus had seemed to take it well. At least, once he understood that Sans hadn’t been bothering his friends.

“RED APPROACHED YOU?” Papyrus asked.

“yeah,” Sans said. “surprised me, too.”

But when he woke Sans up just before noon, he had been more upset than usual.

**5:12**

It had taken Sans a while to calm him down, get him to explain what he was upset about.

“I’M WORRIED ABOUT YOU, BROTHER,” Papyrus said. “THAT RED MIGHT BE …PLAYING A CRUEL JOKE ON YOU.”

“you really think he’d do that?” Sans asked.

“RED HAS A … SHARP SENSE OF HUMOR,” Papyrus said with a frown. “ONE WHICH I FIND … CONFOUNDING.”

**5:15**

“DO NOT WORRY, BROTHER! I’M SURE YOU’RE RIGHT.”

**5:21**

“RED ISN’T THE SORT OF MONSTER TO PULL THAT SORT OF PRANK.”

**5:28**

Sans let his skull fall back against the door, allowing his cellphone to fall from his hand. It landed on the mattress with a soft thump.

He wondered if Papyrus had thought to make enough for him to eat dinner, too. Most of Sans’ paychecks went to the joint apartment fund. He didn’t have enough to go get takeout. Grillby would probably still let him carry a tab, but he’d opened his new place on the other side of Ebott. Too far for Sans to shortcut.

With a sigh, Sans pushed himself up, sliding into his easy smile and lazy slouch. Ready to admit that Papyrus was right.

It was just a cruel prank.

— **Red—**

**5:32**

Red stood outside the Tale brothers’ apartment, once again steeling his nerves.

He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to _do_ this.

But he was already half an hour late and the guilt was eating him. And the only ways to get out of this with his dignity attached were to either go through with it or tell Sans the truth.

And like _hell_ was Red going to tell Sans the truth.

Red took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

_Shave-and-a-ha-_

He jumped back, startled, when the door flew open before he finished knocking.

“RED!” Papyrus shouted, pulling the smaller skeleton into a tight hug that lifted him off the ground. “I HEAR YOU CAME TO TAKE MY LAZYBONES BROTHER ON A DATE!”

“uh, yeah,” Red said as he was placed back on the ground. He glanced into the apartment behind Papyrus as he regained his balance.

Sans was in the hallway entry, his expression pained for half a moment before it vanished under the facade of a cheery grin and friendly slouch.

“it’s not a date, papyrus,” Sans said as he walked to the door, carefully not looking at his brother.

“WELL! WHATEVER IT IS! I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME, RED!” Papyrus said as he scooped Sans out of the apartment.

Sans turned to wave goodbye, but the door was already closed behind him. He shrugged and turned toward Red.

“hey, red,” he said, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. “was starting to think you weren’t gonna show.”

“sorry,” Red said, meeting Sans’ eyelights and hoping his guilt wasn’t obvious. “lost track of time.”

“it happens,” Sans said with another shrug.

Red was relieved. He had expected Sans to call him out on the clear lie. Even Papyrus would have seen through the flimsy excuse.

“so where we going?” Sans asked.

“i was thinkin’ tuffet cafe?” Red suggested.

“cool,” Sans said. “we walking or - ”

He cut himself off as Red grabbed his humerus pulling him through space to land in the park across the street from the lounge cafe.

Sans stumbled as he left the void, tripping over the air.

“warn a guy next time,” he said, voice strained. His face was flushed a sickly grey color, and his eyelights were small, taking Red by surprise.

Being pulled through a shortcut unprepared wasn’t _fun_ , but it wasn’t … _that_ big of a deal. Even his absolute worst Red only suffered minor vertigo.

“y’ okay?” Red asked uncertainly. 

“fine,” Sans said, although his voice shook. “just … need a minute.”

Red waited for Sans to catch his breath, the chalky grey fading back to bluish-white.

“sorry,” Sans said as he stood fully upright (as much as Sans _ever_ stood “upright”) and flashed a smile at his counterpart. “i’m good now.”

Red nodded, then turned to lead the way to the cafe across the street.

Tuffet Cafe was co-owned by the two Swap Muffets - Underswap running it primarily during the day as a cafe, and Swapfell running it at night as a lounge. Red hadn’t been there much during the day - he wasn’t a fan of coffee - but it was a nice alternative to Grillby’s in the evenings.

Red held the door open for Sans, and the pair entered the cafe.

It was impressive how the dark color scheme - blacks and dark magentas with some lighter purples and whites - were inviting instead of oppressive. Red suspected it was because during the day the windows were all uncovered, letting the warmth and brightness of the sun into the cafe.

“know what y’want?” he asked as he stepped next to Sans, joining the short line.

Sans’ sockets were wide as he stared at the menu boards, eyelights dim and small.

Overwhelmed.

He shook his head and glanced nervously at Red.

“… i-i’ll just have whatever you’re gettin’,” he said with a dry swallow. Sans glanced around the restaurant. “uh … want me to get us a table?”

“sure,” Red said.

The less time actually spent _together_ on this little outing, the better.

The pastries were plated and the drinks made quickly, and all too soon Red found himself sitting at a table with Sans.

The other had chosen the same table Red preferred; the one in a corner so he could have his back to the wall and his blindspots covered. A good view of the entire dining room, particularly the front door. Near the rear exit, in case someone entered that he didn’t like the look of.

He wondered why Sans had chosen _this_ table, but figured it was probably random.

Sans held his drink, holding it in his hands and letting the warmth sink into his fingers.

“s-so … edge?” Sans said after a moment, breaking the silence. Red sat up straighter at the mention of his brother, alert and uneasy at the shift in conversation. Sans wasn’t looking at him as he spoke, instead staring blankly at the café dining room, watching the other monsters and few humans. “he’s working in a kitchen, right?”

Red blinked, taken off guard by the innocent question.

“yeah,” he said with a nod and a sharp smile. At least the topic was enjoyable. “he’s a junior chef, doin’ a bit of everythin’.”

“he looking for anything specific?” Sans asked, turning his attention back to the mug of coffee in his hands.

“nah,” Red said as he took a sip of his own. “just wants experience right now. he likes how busy the kitchen keeps ‘im.”

Sans hummed in acknowledgement before taking a careful sip of his drink.

“i’m surprised he didn’t go for police work like undyne and alpha. he was a royal guard, right?”

Red frowned at the question, and Sans backtracked before he could answer.

“i-i mean … uh … what about you? any aspirations beyond the excitement bagging groceries?”

“not really,” Red answered with a shrug, letting the unanswered question go. He didn’t really want to talk about Edge’s time in the guard, or his time as a sentry. Or about the Underground at all, really. Not with Sans. “anythin’ i’d enjoy takes too much work t’ get inta. ‘sides i wouldn’t get t’ see the boss as often. he’d miss me.”

A shadow passed over Sans’ face at the remark, there and gone before Red could fully read it.

“paps ’s doin’ public safety work, right?” Red asked after a quiet moment. “workin’ toward doin’ social work?”

“yeah,” Sans said. “he’s good at it. at helping people. i’m proud of him.”

Red nodded, although he was surprised to hear Sans say anything positive about his brother. He’d expected something different.

“how about you?” he asked.

Sans shrugged and took a bite of his pastry, swallowing before answering.

“paps is cool enough for both of us,” he said, although the enthusiasm in his voice didn’t quite reach his expression. “i’m good with my current gigs.”

“ ‘gigs’?” Red parroted with a frown. “i only knew about yer nightshift.”

“i work a couple other jobs,” Sans confirmed with a nod. “security’s the most stable, but I do odd jobs here’n’there. razz’n’slim bought hotdogs from me over the summer a couple times.”

Red snorted at the mental image of their most fastidious counterpart buying and eating a hot dog.

“ ’m surprised the tiny tyrant stooped to eatin’ a ‘dog,” he said with a chuckle.

“pretty sure he was trying to make sure i wasn’t poisoning them,” Sans said lightly, his shoulders shaking as he laughed. “i must’ve satisfied them. they only came by twice.”

Red’s smile faltered.

Sans was joking, but the joke hit a little too close to truth for comfort.

The Swapfell brothers were particularly skeptical and slow to trust.

Razz was particularly cynical, distrusting of everyone and everything.

Most of all he was suspicious of Sans.

Sans took another sip of coffee, looking down at the shadow of his reflection in the liquid.

He asked another question. Something trivial and fairly impersonal. Something safe so if (when) it was asked back at _him_ it would be easy to answer.

_What do you like to do? What movies have you seen recently? How do you like the city?_

An hour later and Sans had just finished saying something supportive and proud about Papyrus when Red’s phone chimed, startling them both.

“thought I turned that off,” Red muttered as he pulled the device from his pocket.

It was a text from Edge, asking when he’d be home.

“you done?” Sans asked as Red began to type out a reply. At Red’s confusion, Sans motioned toward the empty mugs and plates on the table. “you paid. i’ll bus.”

Red blinked at his counterpart before nodding. “yeah, ‘m done.”

Sans nodded and cleared the table while Red got up to wait outside.

Red gave Sans warning before shortcutting back to the Tale brothers’ doorstep. The other looked better when he stepped out of the void this time, mumbling a soft “thanks”.

Red turned to leave when Sans grabbed his upper arm, stopping him in his tracks. He turned to meet his counterpart’s eyes, his own sockets dark. A warning growl rumbled low in his chest.

It vanished at Sans’ expression.

Sans’ eyelights were dim and wavering, and he looked away as soon as Red’s sockets were on him.

“th-thanks,” he said softly, cringing at the stutter. He took a deep breath before adding, “i had fun.”

“me too,” Red said, the rote response coming automatically. “maybe we could do it again sometime.”

“that’d be nice,” Sans agreed as he met Red’s eyelights with a soft, cautious smile. “t-talk to you later, then.”

“yeah,” Red said, already kicking himself mentally. He pulled his arm away from Sans hand and took a shortcut to his own front porch, a couple blocks away. He sighed as he opened the door, calling out to let Edge know he was home.

It was over. He’d completed the dare.

He would never have to talk to Sans again.


	3. The Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fake date went well, but Red is left with more questions than answers, as well as a heavy dose of guilt.
> 
> Sans was polite and kind. If that's his personality ...
> 
> ... why does Papyrus avoid him so much?

_“wouldja smooch your clone?”_

_Red looked at Slim over his beer, considering the question. It was rhetorical but …_

_“which one? got at least three, depending’ on how y’ look ’t us. an’ i’d argue razz is ’s much my clone as you are.”_

_“the one most like you,” Honey said, stopping the impending argument in its tracks. He wasn’t drunk enough for philosophy. “sans.”_

_“how th’ fuck am_ i _like_ him _?!”_

_“y’said yourself that razz is as much your clone as slim. blue, too. ya ain’t a papyrus, so … sans.”_

_Red grunted in acceptance, then shook his head. “‘course not. He’s an ass.”_

_“a’ight, so no smooching’, but waddabout a date?” Slim pressed, leaning forward. Red rolled his eyelights, not deigning to respond._

_Slim’s grin was sharp as he leaned back with a shrug. “s’like i thought, y’ don’t have the guts.”_

_“an’ what do_ **i** _get if i did go on a date wit’ ‘im? my pride’s worth more’n braggin’ rights for that.”_

_Slim’s grin shrank as he considered._

_“we could make it more fair,” he said after a moment. “raise the stakes.”  
_

_“what ya got in mind?” Honey asked._

_“friendly competition,” Slim said as he raised his glass with a grin. “we drink. until we can’t anymore. loser is whoever bows out first.”  
_

_“an’ whoever loses has t’ hangout with Sans,” Honey agreed with a nod. “the other two get to mock them until they do it.”_

_Red didn’t need to beat Honey to win, he only needed to outdrink Slim - who was already several drinks in._

_He agreed._

_He hadn’t realized how outmatched his alcohol tolerance was against the other two._

**—Red+Edge—**

He felt sick.

Red hadn’t moved after collapsing in bed after his “date” with Sans. His brain cycling through the interaction trying to find anything wrong with the other’s behaviour.

There was nothing.

Sans was … Shy. Soft-spoken. Polite.

If he was putting on a front to gain sympathy, it was very nearly working.

He kept going back to one thing, over and over again.

Whenever the topic shifted to Papyrus, Sans looked sad. His eyelights would shrink and he’d talk a little softer for a few sentences. He only had good things to say about his brother, how proud he was, how hard Pap worked.

“ _He’s good at it … He’s been working really hard to … Helping people is what he’s best at … I’m proud of him._ ”

It was … uncomfortably sincere.

The image of Sans in his head was someone cruel. Someone who hurt others and enjoyed it. Someone who got off on manipulating people, taking a sick joy in the other’s pain.

It was directly at odds with the Sans he had spent the afternoon with.

Guilt, marrow deep and all consuming, filled him.

Sans had been polite and kind. Attentive! … even when Red was not.

For all that he told himself that Sans _had_ to be manipulating him somehow …

Sans certainly seemed to have been making an honest attempt to get to know Red better. He’d put more effort into the “date” than Red had, certainly.

Red cursed himself.

He should _never_ have accepted the bet.

He should have accepted defeat. Let Honey and Slim mock him for a few weeks.

He should have done _anything_ but what he _had_ done.

The weight of his sins kept him pinned to his mattress and the guilt kept him awake.

He felt sick.

Edge had been worried when Red came home from getting coffee, distracted and upset. He’d assumed it was either the other’s LV or depression acting up. There was no telling when those would pop up and cause problems.

So when Red hadn’t come out of his bedroom for dinner, Edge understood.

But when Edge checked later, none of the leftovers had been eaten.

And now it seemed Red was going to sleep through breakfast.

That just wouldn’t do.

There was a brisk knock at Red’s door, followed by Edge entering without waiting for permission.

Red was laying on his stomach face buried in a pillow. He was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes.

Edge frowned down at his brother’s back, carefully keeping the concern from his expression or voice.

“WERE YOU PLANNING ON SPENDING ALL DAY IN BED?” Edge asked.

Red growled something that wasn’t quite words, muffled by the pillow. But otherwise he didn’t react.

Edge’s frown deepened and he sat next to Red.

“WHAT’S WRONG,” he asked, tone allowing no argument.

Red stilled, and Edge could almost hear him trying to think of a way out of the conversation.

Another misjudgment on Red’s tab: Edge would be worried if he just never left his room again.

He rolled onto his back, covering his face with his hands.

Ashamed.

“ ‘m an idiot’n an asshole.”

“I AM AWARE,” Edge responded quickly, voice neutral. “THAT DOESN’T ANSWER MY QUESTION.”

Red sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to talk his way out of this conversation.

Knowing how disgusted Edge was going to be when he learned what Red had done.

“i’m more’v an idiot when I’m drunk,” Red said. “makes me think bad ideas ‘re good ones.”

Edge waited patiently as Red gathered up more courage. Patience had always been the key to getting the elder brother to talk.

“i tried t’ outdrink slim. an’ honey. either-or,” Red explained. “i lost.”

“OF COURSE YOU DID,” Edge said with a sigh. “EVEN IF SLIM DIDN’T CHEAT - WHICH HE LIKELY DID AND YOU ARE AN IDIOT FOR NOT NOTICING - BOTH OF THEM OBVIOUSLY HAVE MUCH HIGHER TOLERANCES THAN YOU. I DON’T BELIEVE I HAVE EVER SEEN SLIM SO MUCH AS TIPSY.

“I’M ALMOST AFRAID TO ASK BUT … WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO DO AS THE LOSER OF THIS BET?”

Red looked away, cheekbones beginning to grow red with shame.

Moment of truth.

“loser had t’ ask Sans out on a date,” he muttered. “that’s where i was yesterday.”

Edge stared at his brother in shock as the words fully sank in.

“THAT … IS A _VERY_ CRUEL PRANK, BROTHER,” he said after a quiet moment. “EVEN FOR YOU.”

Red nodded in agreement, his shoulders hunching as the guilt of disappointing his brother settled on his already overburdened back. 

“BUT … ”

Red startled, skull whipping up to meet Edge’s eyes. He hadn’t expected a ‘but’.

“WE DON’T KNOW WHAT CAUSED THE RIFT BETWEEN SANS AND PAPYRUS. THIS COULD BE AN OPPORTUNITY TO GAIN SOME PERSPECTIVE.”

Red considered it.

Of course he wondered what happened between the Tale brothers. Once it was obvious that they were the outliers, _everyone_ did. If Red kept hanging out with Sans … they could exploit that for more information.

It’s what they would have done back home.

… But they weren’t in Underfell anymore.

Edge shrugged, expression uncertain.

“IT IS UP TO YOU, BROTHER,” he said as he pushed himself to his feet.

Red groaned, dramatic and pitiful, as he fell backward onto the bed. Edge’s non-verdict wasn’t what he wanted to hear. But he supposed he got himself in this mess.

He would have to get himself out.

“NOW, I MUST BE OFF TO WORK AND YOU SHOULD EAT SOMETHING AND TAKE A SHOWER. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SLEPT IN YOUR DIRTY CLOTHES!” Edge offered a hand to help Red to his feet.

Red took his hand, allowing himself to be pulled upright with a grunt. He kept himself from snarking back that he _hadn’t_ slept in his clothes.

He hadn’t slept at all.

Edge didn’t need anything else to worry about.

“ARE YOU ALRIGHT,” Edge asked as they left Red’s room.

“yeah, boss,” Red answered, the answer leaving him as a sigh. “i will be.”


	4. The Museum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red has decided to keep hanging out with Sans, deciding to take him to the museum.
> 
> But things still aren’t adding up …

**—Red—**

The problem, Red decided, was that he was both too damn curious and too damn stubborn to ignore his curiosity.

It was going to get him killed someday.

It had been a week since he’d taken Sans to Tuffet, and he hadn’t been able to get the Tale skeleton out of his skull.

He didn’t really want to talk to Sans again. He didn’t have any _objections_ to how the date had gone, but he still didn’t _like_ Sans. Besides, he’d gone this long without interacting with his softer counterpart.

_(He tried to tell himself that Sans probably wouldn’t notice or care that Red had ghosted him. Tried not to care that he didn’t know if it was true or not.)_

But …

There was something about the Tale skeleton that _bothered_ Red.

The disconnect between who Red _thought_ Sans would be and the reality of the person he’d met, was driving him crazy.

He couldn’t square away the way Papyrus acted with the way Sans had been at the cafe.

It was possible Sans was manipulative. That the quiet, shy, polite skeleton he’d gotten coffee with didn’t exist. That it was an act, a facade.

But it had been so _genuine_. Genuine enough to not only fool Red, but the Judge as well.

Red couldn’t let it go. He _had_ to know the truth or he’d drive himself insane.

Which is why he was here on his day off, standing in front of the Tale brothers’ apartment, trying to talk himself into/out of knocking on the door.

Goddamn his curiosity. He could only hope solving the riddle of the Tale skeletons would keep him alive.

“fuck it,” Red muttered as he finally knocked on the door.

All he needed to do was figure out how Sans had pissed off Papyrus. Once Red knew that he could go back to pretending the older brother didn’t exist.

“it ain't cookie season so whatever you’re sellin’ we don’t need it,” Sans’ low rumble said as he opened the door. “religion, knives, vacuu- ”

He cut himself off as soon as he saw Red. A grey-blue blush crept onto his cheekbones as he mumbled, “uh … hey, red.”

Sans wasn’t wearing his hoodie, and he looked smaller without it - even wearing two shirts - a greying white tee over a black long sleeved top.

It didn’t help that he’d sort of … _hunched in_ on himself when he saw Red.

The two stared at each other for a minute before canned laughter sounded on the TV, breaking the silence. Sans glanced into the apartment behind him.

“ … y-you want me to get papyrus?”

The question was enough to knock Red out of his analyzing stare.

“nah,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets and trying to look casual. “got a free afternoon. wondered if ya wanted to go to the museum with me. everybody else is busy.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Razz and Slim were both at work, and Blue was on a shopping trip with Honey. Edge had a night shift, so he was sleeping.

And after one trip to the museum with Papyrus, where the latter had complained the entire time they were in the astronomy wing … well, Red had decided not to go to the museum with just them. It just didn’t make sense when they’d both be miserable.

Sans had straightened a little, perking up at the offer, before wilting again as he thought of something.

“… i’m kinda low on g,” he admitted with an embarrassed shrug.

“it’s on me,” Red said with a wave of his hand. “th’ boss got a membership after blue dragged us there for a third time.”

“i don’t think - ” Sans started, but Red cut him off before he could finish the thought.

“i can get ya in on a guest pass. won’t cost either of us anythin’.”

Sans didn’t respond immediately, expression indecisive and torn. Red felt his grin slip in annoyance. He hadn’t expected this much of a fight.

( _What’s he afraid of?)_

Red pushed the thought from his skull.

He already had one mystery. He didn’t need another.

“ … okay,” Sans said after a moment. He glanced back into the apartment. “… yeah. sure. just … lemme grab my hoodie.”

Red nodded, watching as Sans disappeared back into the house. He leaned against the wall next to the door while he waited, not wanting to enter the apartment when he wasn’t invited.

Not wanting to have to explain to Papyrus what he was doing there.

With his luck he’d admit everything. The Tale brothers might not get along, but Papyrus would certainly defend his brother if he knew what Red had done. _Was_ doing.

He could hear a rushed conversation, words indistinct under the sound of Mettaton revving a chainsaw. He wondered if he had time for a smoke, and he fiddled with the lighter in his pocket.

He’d begun to rifle through his inventory, searching for his cigarettes, when Sans emerged from the apartment in a rush. He looked around, almost frantic, before he caught sight of Red and his expression brightened with … relief.

_(Did he think I left without him?)_

Red suppressed the shudder that threatened as guilt crawled up his spine.

Sans closed the door and shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, taking up a casual slouch.

“so … how we gettin’ there?”

“its too far to walk,” Red said with an exaggerated wink. “but i know a shortcut.”

Sans snorted and held out an arm without taking his hand from his pocket. As soon as Red had a grip on Sans’ humerus, he pulled them through the void.

**—Sans—**

Going through the void was _easier_ when he had warning. But it was never _easy_.

Sans stumbled out of it on the other side, pushing away the weakness that always came from teleportation. It was worse lately, causing headaches and nausea.

He hoped he hid it well enough from Red. He didn’t want a repeat of his episode from last time.

_(Red already thought he was weird. Better to not prove him right.)_

He focused on the building in front of him.

Sans stared up at the ornate, two story building, feeling uncomfortably small and out of place as Red led him to the admissions line.

 _(You don’t belong here_. _)_ A voice hissed in his head.

It was right, of course. It always was. He _didn’t_ belong here, He wasn’t … worthy of it.

Sans was too small. Too insignificant and stupid.

He couldn’t _really_ appreciate this place.

And then he noticed the humans.

They were _everywhere_.

Even after moving to the Surface, Sans wasn’t used to them. 

Papyrus hadn’t thought it … _wise_ for Sans to be around humans much. It’s why he had pushed so hard for Sans to take a night security job where he would be the only one on shift.

It was lonely, but Sans agreed that Papyrus was right. He usually was.

He was cool like that.

Besides, humans made Sans uncomfortable at best.

A child broke into laughter nearby, the sound shrill and sudden and too much. Sans flinched, bumping into Red as he tried to get as far from it as possible.

Before Red could disapprove Sans backed up, apologizing softly.

“so,” Red said after the laughter died off and Sans began to relax again. “what d’ya wanna see first?”

Sans shrugged, “wherever you wanna go is fine.”

He didn’t want to admit that he had never been here.

Papyrus had told him about the museum, having visited numerous times with the others. He’d talked excitedly about the aquarium and butterfly forest, and had been completely fascinated by the skeletons and fossils in the natural history wing, eerie as it was.

Everything he’d talked about sounded interesting, but nothing truly caught Sans’ attention.

One of the cashiers waved at them, cutting off any response Red might have had.

Sans stayed a step behind his companion, feeling out of place as Red flirted with the receptionist, dropping a cheesy pick up line and calling her “sweetheart.” She responded by rolling her eyes and calling him a flirt, calling him by name. She printed out the tickets and handed them to Red with an informational pamphlet.

Sans didn’t feel any more comfortable inside the museum. The entrance was huge, opened up to the roof, allowing natural light to brighten the space through the skylights. To one side was the gift shop, to the other a little cafe.

Red motioned toward the latter, silently leading Sans to an unoccupied table.

( _Couldn’t even make a simple decision._ _Go home. This place isn’t for trash like you.)_

Sans should have just … _chosen_ somewhere to go. One of the places Papyrus had been excited about. The aquarium sounded nice, at least …

As he took the seat next to Red he was going to say as much, only to be stopped when Red unfolded the pamphlet to reveal a map.

“upstairs is th’ natural history wing,” Red said, pointing it out. “it’s mostly taxidermies an’ fossils, but the geology section _rocks_.”

Sans wasn’t sure if the pun was intentional or not, and he didn’t want to risk Red hating them as much as Papyrus did.

It was mostly Red’s grin that let Sans feel comfortable enough to give a soft chuckle at the joke. Like he knew exactly what he said and meant it.

Red slumped a little at his lackluster response, and Sans tried to hide his elation at that.

 _‘red likes puns_ ,” he whispered silently, almost too afraid to even _think_ the words.

Red shrugged, pointing out other spots on the map.

“downstairs is th’ aquarium, it’s small but pretty interestin’. makes me wonder how humans stand swimmin’ in th’ ocean, with all _that_ goin’ on in it. on this level they got the entrance to the rain forest an’ botanical wing here, and the planetarium here.”

“planetarium?” Sans echoed softly.

Papyrus had never mentioned a planetarium. He’d talked about every animal in the aquarium, at length, but he’d never so much as _hinted_ that the museum had anything about the stars.

Of course, space was _Sans_ ’ interest, not Papyrus’.

Papyrus didn’t mention it because he likely never visited it. He’d always found Sans’ obsession with space … strange. Before Frisk had fallen he had treated it like a childish fascination.

Like he was just waiting for Sans to grow out of his stupid fantasies.

“yeah,” Red said, pointing to an area of the map. “whole wing on physics and space, too. y’ didn’t know?”

Sans shook his head, staring at the word under Red’s sharp phalange.

“i’ve never been here,” he admitted softly. “nobody told me, and i … ”

_‘never bothered to look at what exhibits the museum had.’_

_(Why bother when you’d never visit?)_

“… didn’t think to look into it.”

Red frowned at him, and he worried that his tone betrayed his thoughts. He did his best to shrug off the concern in the other’s expression.

“i’ve never had the g to come,” Sans said with a wide smile, waving his hands like he could brush away Red’s unease. “it never seemed important.”

Red’s frown only deepened, and Sans decided to stop while he was ahead. He looked back at the map, trying to figure out what to say.

He stared at the word still under Red’s finger.

> _Planetarium_

He didn’t want to impose. He didn’t want to drag Red to do the things _he_ wanted to do.

But … he had to be realistic.

 _This_ was his only chance to explore the museum. He doubted Red would bring him a second time, and he wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t have the G to come on his own.

Between Papyrus’ school costs and all the other bills they had, Sans usually only had enough for bus fare if he needed it.

“can we start there?” he asked Red’s finger in a whisper, unwilling to meet the other’s eyelights.

_(You’re asking for too much. Don’t be greedy.)_

If there was only one thing he could see, he wanted it to be the planetarium. Everything else sounded cool - _fascinating_ even - but he wouldn’t regret it if he never had the chance to see them. Not really.

Not like he’d regret knowing there was a section of the museum dedicated to the _stars_ and never seeing it.

“yeah,” Red said, and Sans snapped his head up to see the other smiling at him with a toothy grin, almost as excited as he was. “it’s the best!”

 _‘red likes the stars_.’

The thought was a hope, a tiny prayer to anyone listening. Sans could barely believe it.

“i bet it’s _stellar_.”


	5. The Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple years ago the Undertale, Underfell, Underswap, and Swapfell (Red) universes collided, merging into a single - peaceful - universe.
> 
> The skelebros have become friends in this universe, often hanging out and spending time together,
> 
> Except for Sans, who is distant with everyone and has a tense relationship with Papyrus.
> 
> After losing a drinking challenge, Red asked Sans on a date, where he found himself with more questions than answers. He decided to go on a second outing with Sans, this time to the Ebott City Museum.
> 
> Something isn’t adding up, and Red is going to figure out why.

**—Red—**

Sans’ pun surprised Red and for a moment all he could do was stare at his alternate. After his earlier attempt had fallen flat he had assumed Sans shared his brother’s _hatred_ of wordplay.

He was even more surprised when Sans let out a short bark of laughter, both at his own joke and at Red’s expression. He quickly covered his mouth and attempted to stifle himself, a blue-grey blush coloring his cheekbones.

Red found he liked the sound of Sans’ laughter.

It was genuine and warm, low and melodic.

… He wanted to hear it more.

Red looked away from Sans, ignoring the way his own cheeks warmed. He collected himself as he focused on folding the map.

He had hoped Sans would share his interest in astronomy. It wasn’t too much of a surprise - all the other Sanses had similar interests. But not liking astronomy wouldn’t be the first time Sans was an outlier.

But if Red was going to spend more time with Sans in an attempt to figure out why the Tale brothers didn’t get along … he might as well enjoy himself.

And Red could _live_ in the Planetarium and not grow tired of it.

He led the way to the astronomy wing, glancing back to catch Sans’ reaction to seeing it for the first time.

It was everything Red had hoped for.

Sans’ eyelights lit up, blindingly bright, and his smile stretched wide. He seemed taller, like he was standing up straighter.

_Like he wasn’t trying to make himself as small as possible._

He was all but _vibrating_ with excitement.

“c’mon,” Red said with a grin, his own excitement rising in response to Sans, like a contact high. He jerked his head in the direction fo the planet models. “let’s start over there.”

Sans didn’t need more encouragement than that, and he quickly lost himself in reading the informational placards and looking at the displays.

“it’s too bad we don’t have a scale model of the solar system in ebbot,” Sans said softly after he had spent some time staring at the little Earth model and its moon.

“whaddya mean?” Red asked. “these are scale, ain’t they?”

Sans waved a hand, “they’re scaled for size, not distance. It’s still cool, seeing the sheer difference between earth and jupiter, but it’s hard to get a good sense of _how far away_ jupiter is from earth, y’know?”

“i dunno if I’d be up to that much walkin’,” Red said with an exaggerated yawn. “space is … spacious. does that sorta thing even exist?”

Sans nodded, his attention on a sign about the asteroid belt.

“there’s a bunch walkable and drivable scale models, all over the world. the sagan planet walk in ithaca, one in vienna, another in melbourne. there’s one in munich called the planet walk. the biggest is in sweden - it spans the whole country.”

Red wondered, but didn’t ask, how Sans knew about those when he didn’t know the local museum had a planetarium.

Sans mumbled something too soft for Red to hear, but he didn’t push for the other to repeat himself. Instead he let Sans get lost in the informational placards and models again, while he went over to the planetarium to see what was showing.

The next show started soon, and was one of Red’s favorites. While it tread into science _fiction_ rather than fact, it was still built on sound science. Its focus was on what life might look like if humans ever left Earth to become star-farers. Beginning with more-realistic colonization of the moon and Mars, ending with distant future marvels like Dyson spheres and ring worlds. It even dove into the concepts of wormholes and warp drives, and how they might be created.

It was aspirational. Inspiring.

Red bought two tickets and went to find Sans, who was more-or-less where he’d been left.

“hey,” Red said as he approached, causing Sans to jump. Red gave an apologetic smile and held up the tickets. “they got a show startin’ in ten minutes. wanna find some seats?”

“show?” Sans asked. He frowned at the tickets in Red’s hand, beginning to curl in on himself again. “i … i don’t have the g … ”

“don’t worry about it,” Red said with a shrug and a wave of his hand. “it’s on me.”

Sans raised a brow bone at him, eyelights dimming with uncertainty.

“y-you … you mean it?” He asked.

“ya don’t have to make a big deal about it,” Red answered, annoyance bleeding into his tone. Sans flinched, shrinking away.

Red sighed, his annoyance fading to worry.

“it’s fine,” he said. “ _i_ wanna see it, an’ boss’d dust me if i just … abandoned ya.”

Sans still looked uneasy so Red added, “seriously. don’t worry about it.”

“o … okay,” Sans answered, and he looked up to meet Red’s eyelights with a shaky smile. “thanks.”

Red only glanced at Sans once during the show.

He’d had them sit in the back, away from everyone else. Their glowing eyelights bothered the human guests, something that Red had dealt with before.

It turned out to be a good decision.

Sans’ eyelights were glued to the whirling cosmos above them, bigger and brighter than Red had ever seen them.

They didn’t rival Blue’s cyan stars, _they_ ** _dwarfed_ **_them_.

The smile on his face was euphoric and real. Open with wonder and awe.

Red knew that was the same smile he’d worn when he had first been in this room, watching a film similar to this. The same smile he’d worn that first night on the surface, after the sun had set and the stars came out.

He tried to ignore the feelings Sans’ smile raised in his Soul.

They spent the entire afternoon in the astronomy wing.

Sans went from exhibit to exhibit, reading every placard over and over again.

Like he was trying to encode every detail to memory.

“what’d ya like most?” Red asked as they passed through the gift shop on their way out of the museum. When Sans didn’t answer he glanced back, only to find him holding a NASA mug, eyelights hazy. “sans?”

Sans jumped, putting the mug back and smiling at Red.

“i liked everything,” he said as he caught up to Red. “actually _seeing_ the difference in size between earth and the gas giants was … _awesome_. puts everything into perspective, how tiny our planet is in the universe. and the _pictures_? from the surfaces of the moon and mars? from the surface of _venus_?! it’s _amazing_ what humans have been able to accomplish without magic or a functional understanding of quantum theory. imagine what they’ll be able to do once they start allowing _monsters_ into scientific fields!

“and the moon rock! that little piece of grey basalt is _extraterrestrial_! and humans brought it _here_ through explosions and mad science! they decided to go to the moon, built a rocket, went there, and brought back a rock. that’s _insane_!

“and the setup dedicated to what the first mars colonies might look like? _so_ cool _._

“and the planetarium show … i can’t begin to describe it. the models of potential exoplanets were _fantastic_ , and the projections of how we might terraform a planet?” Sans sighed happily. “i could spend forever exploring every bit of that wing and never get bored.”

Red laughed in agreement.

“getcha talkin’ about this stuff and ya never shut up, do ya?” Red teased.

He had been enjoying Sans’ exuberance and excitement. He had meant the comment to be playful. He had been the same way the first time he’d come to the museum, spending the whole night ranting to Edge about everything he’d seen.

He expected Sans to blush that ~~pretty~~ blue grey color, maybe be a little embarrassed. Maybe comment something back.

He didn’t expect Sans to deflate. To look away, ashamed, as he crumpled back into his usual slouch. For the bright lights of his eyes to dim, and his grin to fall back into the stiff mask he usually wore, the joy gone like it had never been there.

“s-sorry,” Sans stuttered, voice soft. “i don’t … i didn’t … i’m sorry.”

Red was lost in the wake of Sans’ sudden emotional shift, and he kicked himself for causing it.

“i didn’t mean it like that,” Red said carefully. “i get the same way. space is cool, y’know? sorry.”

Sans shrugged and shook his head, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like “ _it doesn’t matter, anyway_.”

He turned away from Red, and Red let him. He waited as Sans collected himself.

He hid the pain he felt in his Soul when Sans finally turned around to face him, smiling mask in place.

Sans didn’t meet Red’s eyes.

“thanks … for inviting me,” he said. “i had a lot of fun.”

He glanced at the sky, awash in reds and pinks as the sun sank below the horizon.

“i should probably get back,” he said, more to himself than to Red. He looked back at the ground, grey-blue blush on his cheekbones. “i don’t wanna be a bother, after you brought me here, but … could i bum a ride home? i don’t have money for bus fare.”

“yeah, sure,” Red said, off balance from Sans’ mood swings. He offered his arm and pulled them both to the street outside the Tale brother’s apartment building as soon as Sans had grasped it.

Sans stepped back as soon as they were on the other side of the void.

“thanks,” he repeated as he turned to the building.

He took a single step forward, and then stopped. Red could see he was staring at one of the windows, could see his smile ticking away by fractions.

“hey,” Red said.

Sans let out a shuddering breath as he glanced back, eyes wide.

Red rubbed the back of his skull awkwardly as he looked away. “you, uh. ya got a phone, right?”

Sans frowned but nodded, turning fully as he dug it out of his pocket.

“we should exchange numbers,” Red said, the words coming out in a rush before he could regret them. “it’d make it easier to hang out.”

He watched as Sans’ expression did an emotional speed run. Confusion, anger, refusal, relief … acceptance. He held out his phone.

It was an old flip phone. Dumb, worn down, and well out of date. Between the scratches, the LCD burn, and a crack on the lower right that had killed a substantial number of pixels, the screen was nearly unreadable.

It looked a _lot_ like the phone Red had used when they were still in the Underfell Underground, long since tossed for a nicer smartphone now that they were on the Surface.

He pushed aside his questions, although they bounced in his head like ping pong balls.

_Why is Sans’ phone so … shit?_

_Doesn’t Papyrus have a fancy smart phone?_

Red flipped through the options, sending himself a text message before handing the phone back to Sans.

“now we got each other’s numbers,” Red said with a lopsided grin, hoping it hid his uneasiness. “text if ya wanna hang out.”

Sans nodded, and the last thing Red said as he stepped through the void was his grin.

Wide and bright again, open and sincere.

The void closed in around him and Red was alone.

He collapsed in his bed, trying to quiet his racing thoughts and to ignore the feeling gnawing at his Soul.

He was no closer to understanding the rift between the Tale brothers.

**—Sans—**

Sans stared at the spot Red had been, conflicting emotions battling in his core.

He closed his eye sockets, focusing on his breathing to try to calm his confusion and anxiety.

He wanted to focus on the good parts of the day.

He looked up at the sky. The sun had finally set, but it was still too light to see all but the brightest stars.

 _He’d spent the entire day surrounded by the cosmos and their mystery_.

He glanced at the phone in his hand, seeing the text message Red had sent himself. There wasn’t any content, just a single word.

**hey**

_Red had given him his number_.

Sans closed his phone and slid it into his pocket, smiling with relief.

He hadn’t fucked up.

Despite everything. Despite not having the money, despite not leaving the astronomy wing, despite talking too much …

**_He hadn’t fucked up._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun figuring out what sort of exhibits the museum might have in an astronomy wing. I chose both things I have actually seen at space exhibits (a prototype for living quarters in a space colony, for example), as well as things I _wish_ I could see (the planetarium show. I would *love* to see examples of exoplanets and gigantic engineering projects like Dyson Spheres on the dome screen, that'd be _so_ cool).
> 
> Did you know we have pictures from the surface of Venus? I didn't until a couple years go! Apparently in the 70s and 80s the Soviets [launched a series of satellites to study Venus](https://www.popsci.com/yes-weve-seen-surface-venus/). None of the landers survived more than a couple hours, because Venus' temperatures (900°F/482°C) and extreme pressure (92x what we experience here on Earth) are _brutal_ , but still - they _survived_ long enough to send back photos!
> 
> \---
> 
> That's all for this week. The next chapter has been hard to write, but it should be ready for next Wednesday!
> 
> \---
> 
> [Follow me elsewhere!](https://linktr.ee/tinyraven)
> 
> I also have an [Undertale focused tumblr](https://washi-undertale.tumblr.com) where I'd gladly accept questions about any of my fanworks, including Zero Redeeming Qualities.


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